Tuesday, July 02, 2019

Being mediocre isn't so bad (why "Tapestry" isn't for everyone)



In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Tapestry”, a god-like being called “Q” visits Captain Picard in the afterlife after he dies due to the failure of his artificial heart.  In flashbacks, we see that Picard received the heart when he was a Starfleet ensign fresh out of the Academy.  Picard stands up to an alien in a dispute over a pool game and gets in a fight which results in him being stabbed.  As a result of this injury, he receives an artificial heart. We see Picard the ensign: headstrong, brash and emotional. 

Picard tells Q he wishes he could change the way he was as a young man.  Q gives him that opportunity by allowing him to relive the incident that resulted in him being stabbed.  This time, Picard avoids the fight.  When the young Picard decided to avoid confrontation and be less headstrong, brash and emotional, we see that this change resulted in him never becoming a captain.  Instead, he stayed as a lower-level science officer.  To quote Q in the episode:

"The Jean-Luc Picard you wanted to be, the one who did NOT fight the Nausicaan, had quite a different career from the one you remember. That Picard never had a brush with death, never came face to face with his own mortality, never realized how fragile life is, or how important each moment must be. So his life never came into focus. He drifted through much of his career, with no plan or agenda... going from one assignment to the next, never seizing the opportunities that presented themselves. He never led the away-team on Milika III to save the ambassador, or take charge of the Stargazer's bridge when its captain was killed. And no one ever offered him a command. He learned to play it safe... and he never, ever got noticed by anyone."

Picard says he would rather die on the operating table than live the life as he changed it.  Q acknowledges this, and takes him back – only this time Q saved his life.  The episode ends with Picard acknowledging how the young man he was enabled him to be what he is today, a captain.

That’s a good story.  Let me tell you another one, about me.  I graduated high school 6th in my class of over 300, with a 3.9/4.0 grade point average.  I likely could have gotten into any college I wanted to, including the ivy leagues.  Instead, I went to Louisiana State University.  I graduated with a mediocre GPA, couldn’t find a job and applied for Officer Candidate School with the Army.  The acceptance rate was less than five percent, but I was accepted.  During Army basic training, I was the Distinguished Honor Graduate out of a class of four hundred.  At OCS, I lasted two weeks before dropping out.  

After my army stint, I took the Law School Admission Test on a lark and scored in the 97th percentile. I applied for and was accepted at Vanderbilt Law School, but instead went to LSU.  Once again, failed to live up to my potential and graduated squarely in the middle of my class.  After law school, I went to work as an attorney for the state of Louisiana, practicing insurance administrative law for twenty-five years. 

How does all this relate to Tapestry?  Like Jean-Luc Picard, I had all the potential in the world.  I could have gone to Harvard or Stanford, but I settled for LSU.  I could have been an Army officer, but I settled for enlisted.  I could have gone to a top-10 law school and gotten a high-paying corporate law job, but once again I settled for LSU.  I could have applied myself at LSU and made law review, but I settled for being mediocre.  I stayed in my insurance administrative law job for twenty-five years, when I could have taken risks and looked elsewhere.  I played it safe. My point is, I am the science officer Picard.  Unlike him, though, I am one-hundred percent content in how my life ended up.  I took no risks, did not dream, was perfectly satisfied in my mediocrity.  The Picard in “Tapestry” could not bear to be that person.  I embrace it.  It enabled me to end up in the city I always dreamed of living in, with a house, a car, a nice pension and comfortable financial situation.  I did not come close to the equivalent of “leading an away team on Milka III to save the ambassador” or “taking charge of the Stargazer’s bridge when the captain was killed”.  I’m fine with that.  No part of me at all regrets not going to a upper-tier university college, becoming an Army officer, or going to Vanderbilt Law.  The Captain Picard in “Tapestry” is not for everyone, certainly not me.  I am Lieutenant Picard, and I have zero regrets.

It was worth it


Without going into details, I was in a life situation with someone for twenty years which began shortly after I started working as an attorney.  It was such that, after work, I helped run an “off the grid” animal shelter that took up around another seven hours.  This meant I would get home around midnight, spend an hour or two taking care of my cats and whatever else was needed around the house, and go to bed before 2 a.m., if I were lucky. For twenty years, I got no more than four hours of sleep a night. 

My work suffered because of it, and I was passed up many times for promotions.  Four and a half years ago, my partner died, and the animals were rehomed.  I was free.  I worked another four years, retired, sold my house and moved to Idaho Falls. 

Here, this is paradise.  I have a wonderful house with two cats who moved with me.  The city itself, and surrounding country are more beautiful than I could ever imagine.  The people here and my neighbors are awesome. I have a pension and am fortunate to be in a comfortable financial situation.  I can drive around the country here, take photographs, write, play games and catch up on television.  The life that I have now makes all of those years of anxiety, anger and sleep deprivation worth it.  It was worth it.  I am happier now than I have ever been.

Friday, May 03, 2019

My New Life


This is a favorite line of mine, from the Stephen King novella Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.   It is the last line of the book.

________________________________________

I find I am excited, so excited I can hardly hold the pencil in my trembling hand. I think it is the excitement that only a free man can feel, a free man starting a long journey whose conclusion in uncertain.

I hope Andy is down there.

I hope I can make it across the border.

I hope to I see my friend and shake his hand.

I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.

I hope.

___________________________________________

I am leaving Louisiana forever and starting a new life in Idaho Falls.

January 31, 2019

My plan was to leave before 9:00 a.m.  The first leg of my trip is Plaquemine, Louisiana to Wichita Falls, Texas.  Everything was packed and ready to be loaded into my Outback.  One variable, though, and that was my cat, Cinder.  Cinder, although sweet on his own terms, couldn’t be picked up and handled.  So, the plan was to lure him into a large dog carrier with catnip and a laser pointer. 

That failed miserably, as the one time he went in the carrier, he shot out the door right before I closed it.  The problem there was he would now never voluntarily go into the carrier, probably not ever.  Solution: the nuclear option.  I put the dog carrier on its end, with the door up.  Cinder, being ever the sweet cat, obligingly got in my lap when I sat down.  Now it was time to betray every ounce of trust he has in me.  I grabbed him by the scruff, and in one swift movement dropped him in the carrier and closed the door. He reacted as expected, throwing himself against the carrier and crying.  Surprisingly enough, he settled down quicker than I expected.

I loaded up the car, placing Cinder’s carrier directly behind my seat, so he could see, hear and smell me.  Perhaps that would make the trip easier.

The drive to Wichita Falls was uneventful.  I thought wistfully about the hundreds of times I made the drive from Baton Rouge/Plaquemine to Bossier City and how this would be the last one.  So many memories.  I stayed pretty much on schedule, reaching Dallas just as the evening rush hour traffic began.  It wasn’t so bad.  One perk about the Outback was the navigation system which was quite effective.  I reached Wichita Falls around 7 p.m. and checked in.
Cinder was the best cat!  He meowed only a few times, and for the most part just chilled out.  I made sure the hotels I stayed at were pet-friendly, which worked out well.  I brought his carrier up to my room, and gave him food, water and a litter box. 


February 1, 2019

The next leg was from Wichita Falls, Texas to Castle Rock, Colorado.  On my first trip to see my brother in Idaho, my parents and I drove almost the same route.  The only other time I went that way was for a band trip in high school.  The west Texas and New Mexico desert was as beautiful as I remembered.  Once I crossed from New Mexico to Colorado, the mountains started.  I had forgotten how magnificent they were.  It was difficult to keep my eyes on the road.  Cinder, once again, was a wonderful cat – just enjoying the ride.  The towns are far enough apart here that even though I might be at half a tank of gas, I fill up if I’m passing through a town.  The last thing I need is to run out of gas.

Once I arrived in Castle Rock, I thought it best to get Cinder a smaller litter box. He didn’t use it yesterday, and I thought the reason was the litter box was too bulky for his carrier.  PetSmart in Castle Rock had a disposable litter box, which was a little bit smaller.  That did the trick, as he used it to pee.  I was mildly concerned that he didn’t poop, though.  I entertained the thought of going to a vet in Utah if he didn’t poop by the next day. 

February 2, 2019

From Castle Rock, the next part was north to Wyoming, then West to Ogden, Utah. Again, the scenery was magnificent.  I encountered snow, but not much.  When planning my trip, I made a contingency plan for alternate routes in case of winter weather.  Fortunately, that was not necessary.  The weather, other than a little snow, cooperated beautifully.

After arriving in Ogden, I located the PetSmart there and bought another disposable litter box.  My concerns about visiting the vet were unfounded, as he pooped during the night. 

February 3, 2019

The last leg of my trip was a short trip from Ogden, Utah to Idaho Falls, Idaho – my new home.  There was a little bit of precipitation, but it was warm enough it didn’t ice up the roads.  I left later than usual to allow for it to warm up and made it to Idaho Falls in the early afternoon. My house was just as I remembered it.  The cot I brought inside was still there, so at least I’d have a place to sleep. I brought everything inside, and put Cinder in the main bathroom with food, water and a litter box.  That worked out well, as I could use the basement bathroom. So nice to be home!  One final trip, though, is to fly back to Baton Rouge next week to get Will.

February 6, 2019

Will, my other cat, is a special-needs cat, which is why I couldn’t bring him with Cinder.  He had a trauma, perhaps being hit by a car, which injured his nerves on his back side such that he can’t go to the bathroom by himself.  This means that I have to express his bowels and bladder twice a day for the rest of his life.  It would be somewhat difficult to do this in a hotel, so I decided to fly Will up. 

I had an early flight to Baton Rouge to pick up Will.  The flight was uneventful. I arrived in Baton Rouge around 7 p.m., picked up my rental car and went to the hotel.

February 7, 2019

Will was boarded at Jefferson Animal Hospital, who have been angels as far as keeping Will when I had to go out of town.  It was sad, saying goodbye to the folks at Jefferson.  The brought Will out in his new carrier, which was a soft-sided carrier that would fit under the seat.  Will is such a chill cat, he didn’t care about what carrier he was in.

Will has made the drive from Jefferson back to Plaquemine many times.  He was probably confused when I didn’t take the exit across the Mississippi River bridge.  Sorry, Will, we’re going to the airport. 

At the airport, I was quite nervous about taking Will through security. When I read up on procedures for traveling with a pet as a carry-on, I discovered that you had to take the pet out of the carrier so the carrier could pass through the x-ray.  Well, I was mildly alarmed at the prospect of holding Will for however long it took to check the carrier. Fortunately, I watched some YouTube videos that mentioned the Transportation Security Administrative folks would let you take your pet out in a private screening room, if you requested it.  About a week before I left Louisiana, I made a trip to the Baton Rouge airport and spoke with the TSA folks there.  They confirmed to me that they would allow me to take Will out of the carrier in a private screening room.  Well, that allayed my concerns one hundred percent.

Because I was venturing into uncharted territory as far as travling with a cat, I wanted to be sure and be at the airport at least two hours before my flight in case something went wrong.  My flight was at 12:30 and I think I arrived about 9:30, which wasn’t a problem.  I checked Will in at the ticket counter and received a special tag to put on his carrier.  The TSA checkpoint went just as I researched.  I took the carrier into a small room and took him out of the carrier.  He let me hold him, relaxed, while he just looked around.  He didn’t struggle get nervous.  They brought the carrier back, and I put him back in. 

We waited at the gate for a few hours, and Will was just as cool as could be.  He didn’t fuss or cry at all.  My good luck continued on the plane for the flight to Atlanta.  In fact, for the whole trip, Will meowed maybe once or twice, but not on the flight.  He might have been concerned about the strange sounds and smells in the Atlanta airport, which caused him to meow.  I joked to myself that he smelled the food in the airport and was hungry. 

Unfortunately, the flight from Atlanta to Salt Lake City was delayed, but not so long that I was going to miss my flight.  If I did miss my flight and was not able to take another, I already decided to rent a car and drive the three hours to Idaho Falls.  That didn’t happen, as the flight arrived in SLC in time for me to catch my final leg to Idaho Falls.  The final leg was a short flight, and I arrived in Idaho Falls about 10 p.m. 

As before, Will was an absolute angel.  He handled the whole trip wonderfully.  My theory is that he could see me, hear me and smell me so he knew that he wasn’t alone. 
Since he knew I was with him the whole way, there was no reason to be concerned.  He has been such a wonderful part of my life, I’m glad that I am such a comforting part of his.

The Idaho Falls weather greeted us with snow and temperatures about zero degrees.  I can only imagine what Will was thinking.  The coldest he’s seen was probably about the mid-twenties, so I’m sure this was a shock.  I put him in the car and turned the heater on full blast.  Since I was parked outside, there was a layer of ice I had to scrape off.  The one thing I forgot to bring was gloves, but I managed to scrape enough of the ice off before my hands froze.  The car defroster did the rest. 

I had bought a cat tree and a bed to put in Will’s room, so hopefully it wasn’t so strange.  He loved his cat tree in Plaquemine and sitting in it watching the outside through the screen.  It was the same here, only Will is inside, and he can watch through the window.  I put him in his room and shortly later, expressed him. It was a quiet, uneventful and wonderful trip.  Everyone was home.